Before I start this review, I have to get one thing off my chest. To plagiarize Office Space... I am a Michael Bay fan. I celebrate (almost) his entire catalog. I know that as a fan of cinema, I'm not supposed to admit this. I just can't help it. The man knows how to craft an action sequence better than most people on the planet, and the eternal teenage boy inside me will always line up for more Total Bayhem. There are many reasons to dislike Bay. His movies are stupid. His plots are non-existent. And the veiled racism in them are thinner than Kate Moss on a hunger strike. However, there's something about seeing Sean Connery deliver lines like "winners go home and fuck the prom queen" that appeal to me. For the past decade, Bay has been relegated to churning out these Transformers movies... with diminishing returns. He occasionally steps away to make other films, but for better or worse (mostly the latter), he's been handed the keys to the Transformer Universe.
This is his fifth outing in the director's seat, and for the first time, it seems like every one involved in the production is doing it solely for the paycheck. There's nothing new about this film, and the plot can be loosely described as Mark Wahlberg says some crazy shit followed by robot fighting. Lather, rinse, repeat. This is what was very disappointing about The Last Knight. I'm not looking for the next Citizen Kane with these films. I know what I'm getting myself in to. BUT, I do expect a certain level of effort put into each film. The first film worked because we were finally seeing a beloved 80s cartoon hit the big screen. The second film was Bay's first attempt at using IMAX cameras. The third film introduced the series to 3D and had some really cool scenes involving flying winged suits. The fourth film introduced the Dinobots. The Last Knight doesn't innovate or introduce us to anything new. In fact, it seems to repeat bits and pieces from previous films without any regard to continuity.
I'm not going to go too in depth on the plot of this film because that would hurt my brain. Here's a short short version. Humanity is systematically eliminating the Transformers from the earth. Cade Yaeger (Wahlberg) is the leader of the resistance. Optimus Prime has gone back to Cybertron to confront his makers. Anthony Hopkins (in full paycheck cashing mode) is a historian who discovers that the Transformers have been around since the Knights of the Roundtable and have hidden a device on earth that could be used to destroy the world. At least I think this is the plot. The story goes all over the place too many times to remember. I remember dozing off for a bit, but having it not impact my understanding of the movie (never a good sign). Wahlberg is all wrong in this leading role. He never goes beyond "say hi to your mother for me" style acting. At least Shia Laboef was able to muster up some emotion beyond screaming frantically.
As far as Total Bayhem goes, I think this is where I was most disappointed. The action sequences played out like a bit of "been there, destroyed that." You could at least count on one holy shit moment in these films, and The Last Knight didn't have a single scene on that level.
Overall, I'm giving this movie .5 stars out of 4, and a 4 out of 10 on the Total Bayhem scale. I know this won't be the last film in the series (and the post-credit scene almost guarantees that), but it's a disappointment to say the least... especially being billed as Bay's last go-around with the robots in disguise.
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