Transformers: The Last Knight is bat shit crazy... and not in a good way

Before I start this review, I have to get one thing off my chest.  To plagiarize Office Space... I am a Michael Bay fan.  I celebrate (almost) his entire catalog.  I know that as a fan of cinema, I'm not supposed to admit this.  I just can't help it.  The man knows how to craft an action sequence better than most people on the planet, and the eternal teenage boy inside me will always line up for more Total Bayhem.  There are many reasons to dislike Bay.  His movies are stupid.  His plots are non-existent.  And the veiled racism in them are thinner than Kate Moss on a hunger strike.  However, there's something about seeing Sean Connery deliver lines like "winners go home and fuck the prom queen" that appeal to me.  For the past decade, Bay has been relegated to churning out these Transformers movies... with diminishing returns.  He occasionally steps away to make other films, but for better or worse (mostly the latter), he's been handed the keys to the Transformer Universe.

This is his fifth outing in the director's seat, and for the first time, it seems like every one involved in the production is doing it solely for the paycheck.  There's nothing new about this film, and the plot can be loosely described as Mark Wahlberg says some crazy shit followed by robot fighting.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  This is what was very disappointing about The Last Knight.  I'm not looking for the next Citizen Kane with these films.  I know what I'm getting myself in to.  BUT, I do expect a certain level of effort put into each film.  The first film worked because we were finally seeing a beloved 80s cartoon hit the big screen.  The second film was Bay's first attempt at using IMAX cameras.  The third film introduced the series to 3D and had some really cool scenes involving flying winged suits.  The fourth film introduced the Dinobots.  The Last Knight doesn't innovate or introduce us to anything new.  In fact, it seems to repeat bits and pieces from previous films without any regard to continuity.

I'm not going to go too in depth on the plot of this film because that would hurt my brain.  Here's a short short version.  Humanity is systematically eliminating the Transformers from the earth.  Cade Yaeger (Wahlberg) is the leader of the resistance.  Optimus Prime has gone back to Cybertron to confront his makers.  Anthony Hopkins (in full paycheck cashing mode) is a historian who discovers that the Transformers have been around since the Knights of the Roundtable and have hidden a device on earth that could be used to destroy the world.  At least I think this is the plot.  The story goes all over the place too many times to remember.  I remember dozing off for a bit, but having it not impact my understanding of the movie (never a good sign).  Wahlberg is all wrong in this leading role.  He never goes beyond "say hi to your mother for me" style acting.  At least Shia Laboef was able to muster up some emotion beyond screaming frantically.

As far as Total Bayhem goes, I think this is where I was most disappointed.  The action sequences played out like a bit of "been there, destroyed that."  You could at least count on one holy shit moment in these films, and The Last Knight didn't have a single scene on that level.

Overall, I'm giving this movie .5 stars out of 4, and a 4 out of 10 on the Total Bayhem scale. I know this won't be the last film in the series (and the post-credit scene almost guarantees that), but it's a disappointment to say the least... especially being billed as Bay's last go-around with the robots in disguise.

Wonder Woman is a much needed victory for DC

It's no secret that DC's attempt at building a cinematic universe similar to the Marvel-verse has been bumpy at best and dreadful at worst.  From Man Of Steel to Suicide Squad (maybe the worst superhero movie of all time), DC can't quite seem to figure itself out.  It has entrusted its franchises and tone to Zach "Sucker Punch" Snyder, and the results have been... meh.  From struggles with tone to sloppy storytelling, each outing seems like a preseason football contest.  You trot your stars out to get reps, but with an incomplete playbook.  The DC-verse has felt like its learning how to be a franchise without a coherent direction.  Critics have voiced their venomous displeasure while audiences have shown up in droves (however, I can't seem to find a single DC movie fan).

I tend to be less harsh than others when it comes to the DC movies.  I actually kind of love Man Of Steel more each time I see it.  Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice is a flawed movie, for sure, but one whose director's cut is a vast improvement over its theatrical release.  Like Darth Vader, there's still some good in that one.  The one DC film I just can't get behind is last summer's abortion of a film, Suicide Squad. My friend Adam put it best when he said "it looked like I think Four Loco tastes."  I don't know if there's ever been a better description of a shitty movie ever written.  Looking at these films, even I can admit that they are not even in the same league as Marvel's well-oiled cinematic machine.  I went into Wonder Woman last night realllly hoping that it would be the first step in the right direction... and I am happy to report that, for the first time, DC's cinematic brain trust finally got it right.

Wonder Woman is a movie in three distinct parts.  An original tale, a quirky comedy, and a superhero smash and bash ending.  The film opens with the story of Diana, the Amazon princess, desperate to learn the ways of her fighting, all-female, clan.  It's the first time in the DC-verse where the tones and colors on screen aren't flat and gray, but rather vibrant as hell.  This pays dividends as we see that this ain't your father's DC movie.  It's a good start, albeit one that uses a tried and true formula.  The movie picks up when Chris Pine's character literally crashes the party, turning a paint by numbers action epic into an almost romantic comedy style action film.

Gal Gadot, as Wonder Woman, lets her comedy chops shine during this middle section.  I felt that she struggled showing her more serious side, but absolutely knocked it out of the park with her interactions with Pine's character.  She explores London with an almost childlike wonderment, which leads to some definite LOL's.  I'm really glad that the film went in this direction. For one, it finally breaks the "no fun rule" which has been the go to direction of the DC-verse.  It's a much needed infusion of charm and laughs after a couple films of brooding silence.  I hope the films keep with this mix of humor and action going forward (and judging by the Justice League trailer that played before the film, it seems my hopes will be answered).

The final act of this film reverted back to a more standard CGI-infused superhero formula, but it was still exciting.  There's an incredible battle across a World War I battlefield through a Belgian town that is the action highlight of the film.

I absolutely enjoyed Wonder Woman.  It was the perfect summer movie escape.  I'm giving it 3 out of 4 stars.  It is not a perfect film, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.  I'm actually excited for Justice League.

It has its flaws, for sure.  The director tends to favor Zac Snyder slow motion style action sequences a little too much, and as my co-worker described to me, the score seems a little out of place at times.  The main villain is also completely under-developed.  The big reveal/spoiler fell a little flat, to me.  However, my complaints are minor.  It was a really fun introduction to one of the most classic characters of all-time.