Aquaman Is The Most Insane Superhero Movie Of All-Time... And It Almost Works.

Make no mistake about it... Aquaman, as a superhero, is pretty lame.  He's the king of the sea and his superhero is, wait for it, that he can talk to fish.  Needless to say, the bar was set pretty low going into the cinematic debut of Arthur Curry's alter-ego.  On top of that, the fact that the future of the DC Extended Universe (DCEU) is basically hanging by a thread made this an almost no-lose situation for director James Wan (of Fast& Furious fame).  It seemed like he had absolute creative control in this one.  From concept, to creation, to editing, it seemed like Warner Bros. handed over the reigns completely.  The result is a laudable mess of a movie that almost worked.  It's filled with insane CGI sequences, laughable costumes, and a script full of gobbledegook dialogue that is almost saved by Jason Momoa's charm.  It's like everyone was in on the joke, but still had a passion for it.

Aquaman has a loose connection to the previous DCEU films.  There's a brief mention of the events in Justice League, but that's about it.  It serves as a re-branding of sorts for the DCEU.  We are shown Arthur Curry's origins as the son of a fisherman and a queen from the underwater world of Atlantis (played by Nicole Kidman in a performance that could easily be called "just woke up from an ambien nap.").  Fast forward 30 years, and Arthur Curry is a reluctant hero.  He doesn't want to take up his birth right as the rightful king of Atlantis... even though Atlantis is descending into chaos by the rule of his half-brother (Patrick Wilson in a camp movie hall of fame performance) and his attempt to declare war on the surface.  Enter Amber Heard (in full "Ariel from The Little Mermaid" costume) as Mera.  She convinces him to help her on a globetrotting quest to locate the trident of the original king of Atlantis.  This trident will grant its owner the power to rule the seas.

Other than that brief description of the plot, I can't really go much further, as the term "plot" is used very lightly.  There's clans of fish people, crab people, and Dolph Lundgren (yes, that Dolph Lundgren) as a king of a clan of water-dwellers.  The scenes on earth look like they're more computer generated than the scenes under water, and there's about 3-4 too many villains working at the same time.  The final battle is a cacophony of CGI fish, people, crabs and monsters that might be the most insane battle sequence I've ever witnessed.

The movie is almost saved by its star, Jason Momoa.  He's not the best actor in the world, and yet he was arguably the best part of Justice League.  Given room to shine, he wears this character like a glove.  It's like he rolled out of bed and jumped straight on set (and I mean that in a good way).  He has an every man's charm about him that you can't help but get behind.  I'd be interested to see where he takes this character (assuming the DCEU doesn't completely reboot again). 

I'm giving Aquaman 1.9 stars out of 4.  It's a completely bonkers romp of a superhero movie that you'll have a decent time watching. 

Is Die Hard A Christmas Movie? Plus, My Top 10 Christmas Movies Of All-Time

"Now I have a machine gun... ho... ho... ho..." With his epic delivery, the late great Alan Rickman gave one of the great performances by a character in a movie that takes place during Christmas of all-time. But... is Die Hard actually a Christmas movie?  I've recently entered into a debate after seeing a non-scientific poll, which claims that roughly 62% of Americans do NOT consider Die Hard to be a Christmas movie.  I've waffled on this question myself.  Is a movie that just happens to take place during Christmas an actual Christmas movie?  Or is it just a coincidental occurrence?

Sure, there are movies that are considered Christmas classics that have little mention of the holiday, but have the spirit of the season in its heart.  I'm looking at you It's A Wonderful Life.  There are also movies that happen to feature Christmas, but have little or nothing to do with the Holiday.  Iron Man 3, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Eyes Wide Shut, Batman Returns, and yes, Die Hard 2 come to mind when thinking about this category.  The fact that they feature Christmas elements or have bits of Christmas sprinkled throughout them do not necessarily make them Christmas movies.

This leads me to the big debate.  Is Die Hard an actual Christmas movie?  It definitely is one of if not THE greatest action movie of all-time, but I'm not so sure.  There's been a push lately to put this film into the list of Christmas classics.  I've even considered it one in the past.  However, I feel like a Christmas movie should follow these criteria.  It should take place during the Christmas season (which Die Hard does).  It should feature the holiday as a central to its plot (Die Hard uses the holiday party as a plot device to get people inside a building).  Finally, if you remove Christmas, does the movie fall apart?  I think this is what separates Die Hard from being a true Christmas movie.  If you remove Christmas from Die Hard, it basically stays the same.

Final verdict:  Close, but no cigar.  I think that while Christmas is featured heavily, it's not a movie that's actually about the season.  It's a classic movie that features Christmas, but not a Christmas classic.

Speaking of Christmas classics... here's my top 10 Christmas movies.  I'm only including full-length movies, so The Christmas Toy, Muppets Family Christmas, and A Charlie Brown Christmas miss the cut.

Honorable mentions that just miss the cut:
A Christmas Carol (2009) - I really enjoyed Robert Zemeckis' and Jim Carrey's motion captured take on the Charles Dickens classic.  However, not enough to push it into the top ten.

The Holiday - Nancy Meyers is the queen of comfort and her tale of two women swapping places during the holiday season was a cheesy, but enjoyable holiday tale.

The Family Stone - Probably the saddest (and most melodramatic) film on my list.  This ensemble tale of a family getting together (warts and all) at Christmas always warms my heart.

Miracle On 34th Street  - I know, I know.  This one is a classic.  However, it wasn't in heavy rotation in my household growing up.

The Muppets Christmas Carol - Of all the takes on the Dickens' classic, this one is definitely the zaniest.  The Muppets tell the Scrooge tale as only they can.  Which is to say with a lot of heart and humor.  While Jim Henson died during pre-production, his signature is all over this film.


10) The Santa Clause - Tim Allen inherits the role of Santa Claus after Santa falls off his roof.  While the two sequels became more cartoonish, the original is a heartwarming family tale about how we should never lose our youthful innocence.

9) Bad Santa - The film that proves you can be raunchy and still show the true meaning of Christmas.  Billy Bob Thorton's drunk, womanizing Santa meets an outkast of a child and learns how to be a decent guy.  Think of it as the Grinch, but if the Grinch had a woman screaming "F-Me Santa" in it.

8) A Christmas Story - True story... I only recently watched this movie straight through for the first time a couple years ago.  Sure, I've seen bits and pieces during its annual 24-hour marathon, but I never sat and watched it from start to finish.  Man, was I missing out!  A great little quirky Christmas movie.  You'll shoot your eye out if you miss this one...

7) Love, Actually - Perhaps the best ensemble Christmas movie ever made.  A film that will move you and make you laugh at the same time.  There's been a backlash growing to this film recently, but I can't explain it.  I'm a sucker for this one.

6) Scrooged - My favorite take on the Dickens classic.  Nobody but Bill Murray could have pulled this one off.  He portrays a modern take on the Scrooge character as a television mogul who has forgotten where he came from.

5) Elf - I love every second of this one.  It was the film that broke Will Ferrell into mainstream movies after his career at SNL ended.  He plays Buddy The Elf, a human who thinks he's an elf.  He portrays the character with equal parts caring and naivete.  It's a staple at Christmas time.

4) It's A Wonderful Life - This one was a hard one for me.  Basically, the last third of the movie is the only part about Christmas, but it's central to the film.  It's the classic that tells us that the spirit of giving joy and selflessness is what makes us wonderful... not material possessions.

3) Home Alone - The movie I would watch every year to start the Christmas season off right.  It's equal parts zany romp and caring family movie that shows us what's important at Christmas time... family.  I'll never grow tired of this one.

2) The Nightmare Before Christmas - Equal parts Halloween and Christmas movie that comes straight from the twisted mind of Tim Burton.  I've seen it a million times and I love it equally each time.  I introduced my kids to this one, and they were both hooked.  A family tradition continues.

1)  National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Not only the best Christmas movie, but also the best Vacation movie.  I watch this one every year and I laugh just as hard.  There are so many quotable lines ("Shitter was full!") and moments that it's hard to pinpoint one as my favorite.  If I had to pick one, it would be the opening moments where the Griswold family get their tree.  Clark's road rage incident with the tractor trailer gets me every time.

I hope you enjoyed my list.  Where do you fall on the Die Hard debate?  Christmas movie or no?