Operation Get Buff Week 4

Here is a week 4 video update.  I discuss my weight loss (or lack thereof) and show you some of the exciting new exercises I have been doing.

Operation Get Buff Week 4

Machete Kills & Escape Plan Movie Reviews

Machete Kills Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

This past weekend I was privy to two action movies, the first of which was Machete Kills, by Robert Rodriguez.  This was a total shit sandwich of a movie that doesn't really deserve more than a few words, but since I spent the time and money to see this abomination, I will do my best.

If the first Machete set the standard for a real movie based on a fake trailer, then Machete Kills sets the standard for driving a once funny idea into the ground.  The first one was a continuation of Rodriguez' and Quentin Tarantino's highly enjoyable Grindhouse double feature.  This one is the direct opposite of enjoyable... and this is coming from a guy who really enjoys his stupidly violent movies.  Machete Cortez (played by the ugliest man in the world, Danny Trejo), does one thing in this movie: kill.  Very rarely do you find a movie where the entire plot can be summed up in its title.  Machete kills in every way possible.  Machete kills with his hands.  Machete kills with a knife.  Machete kills with a gun.  Machete kills with a helicopter.  And, yes, Machete kills with a machete.  That's about it as far as plot goes.  There is no deeper meaning.  At least the first movie tried to tie in a statement (as weak as it was) about illegal immigration into its 90 minutes of knives and violence.

I guess if I really have to describe what goes on in this movie, I will do my best.  Machete Kills opens with yet another fake trailer for the next in this please god, don't make another one, movie series, Machete Kills, Again... In Space.  It's all down hill from there.  Machete is called back into service by the President of the United States played by Charlie Sheen (going under his birth name of Carlos Estevez).  Don't worry Martin, your role as the best Sheen president has nothing to worry about.  The Prez needs Machete's help in hunting down a mad man, hell bent on blowing up the US.  Machete has to air drop into Mexico to stop this villain, who in true James Bond style, lives in a converted Aztec temple, and return him to the US before a bomb blows up Washington.  Along the way, Machete runs into a slew of comical bad guys.  By this point, I was nodding off and checking my phone every 5 minutes.  Let's see, Sophia Vergara plays a Mexican madame that shoots bullets out of her boobs.  Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas all play the same bounty hunter (it's not really a spoiler alert, just a terribly pointless running gag).  Oh, and Mel Gibson in full Mel Gibson crazy mode, plays Voz, a billionaire industrialist who wants to spread war and mayhem across the globe.

I found myself wanting to leave a movie early for the first time in my entire life.  I give this movie 1/2 star out of 4.  The 1/2 star was for the first time Machete used a helicopter blade to kill someone.  I chuckled.  As soon as this movie was done, I was instantly reminded of this scene from Billy Madison.  Needless to say, I will not be lining up for the sequel.

Escape Plan Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

After one of the worst movie experience I have ever had, I went in to Escape Plan, starring Sylvester Stallone and my childhood hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger, with extremely low expectations.  I have to say that this movie was a lot better than I expected.  Maybe my eyes were still covered in the stink of Machete Kills, but this movie was a lot of fun.  And, even though it was about 20 years and 2 Governator terms too late, but I found myself cheering for this much ballyhooed matchup of 80's action stars.  That's not to say it's without its flaws, but overall I was entertained.

Sylvester Stallone plays Ray Breslin, the world's leading expert in prison structural security.  He has literally written the book on prison escape.  He goes from prison to prison finding the weaknesses and vulnerabilities that he ultimately uses to escape.  We meet him during his most recent escape.  He runs the warden through his prison's faults and the plan he used to escape with his team of escape experts.  (One of the most unbelievable parts of this movie is 50-Cent playing a computer expert, because when I think of computer expert, I think of 50-Cent.)  Upon returning, he is presented with an offer he can't refuse by the CIA.  They want him to test out their inescapable new fortress, nicknamed "The Tomb."  He instantly agrees, but soon realizes things are not as they seem.  He is cut off from his team and can only rely on a brilliant mysterious inmate, Emil Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger) to get out.  Together they must brave the hellacious Tomb and its equally terrible Warden (played with surprising gusto by Jim "Jesus" Caveziel).

If you don't count the two Expendables movies, this is the first full-fledged matchup of Stallone and Schwarzenegger.  They both seemed to be having fun chewing up the scenery together and delivering some pretty fun one-liners.  With the exception of the warden, the top prison guard (played by classic asshole bad guy actor, Vinnie Jones), and a few other guys, the other characters are pretty faceless.  This is definitely a Stallone/Schwarzenegger movie and they don't really waste much time developing the other characters.  The escape plan is pretty formulaic, but it doesn't really matter because the chemistry between the top two guys on the ticket is so strong.  I also would have liked to have seen a little more development with Breslin's back story.

I give this movie 2.5 stars out of 4.  It had enough to hold my attention, and I'm always all-in on a Rambo/Terminator combo (I guess that's why I own both Expendables movies and watch them on a regular basis).  This movie is not going to win any awards (unless it's the geriatric HGH usage awards), but you will have a good time if you're looking for a mindless action romp.

Week 2 Video Update.

Here's a quick video update on my weight loss so far.

Operation Get Buff Week 2

Captain Phillips Movie Review

Captain Phillips Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

The mark of a truly gifted filmmaker is to take a story that everyone knows the end of and make it interesting.  Some of the best movies of recent years (Zodiac, Argo and my favorite movie of 2012, Zero Dark Thirty) keep you entertained even though you essentially know the end game.  Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Supremacy & Ultimatum, United 93, and the overlooked Green Zone) does just that and more.  He takes this real world story (from an incredible script by Billy Ray, based on the real life Phillips' book) and creates a world of suspense and humanity.  He breathes life into both sides of the conflict and delivers a story that keeps you on the edge of your seat until the very end.

At the start of the film, Greengrass shows the audience the difference between the two worlds of the hijakers and hijakees (is that a real word?  If not, I just made it up).  On one hand, we have Phillips (Played superbly by Tom Hanks) and his wife worried about their children's lack of discipline in the classroom and the lack of jobs in a down economy.  On the other hand, you have the cruel reality of the Somali pirates' daily lives.  Their only hope for food and money is to hijack the biggest ship possible and ransom it for money.  They are fisherman without any fish to catch because of over-fishing by big business and are pressured into becoming pirates (no relation to the Caribbean kind).  These four men are lured by the promise of a big bucks ransom and will do anything to get their pay day.  Hanks' Phillips is a by the books captain who realizes that not all is safe in these still waters.  The threat of piracy is everywhere, and so he has his men practicing defense tactics.  It is during one of these drills where the reality that they may be attacked comes to life.  He sees a small band of Somali pirates on their tale and suddenly these drills become a real world situation.  He does everything in his limited power (arms on merchant ships are outlawed) to stave off an attack.  Once these assailants, calling themselves the Somali Coast Guard, jump aboard the ship, the action and intensity really kicks in.  The leader of the pirates, Muse (played in a movie stealing, Oscar-worthy performance by first time actor, Barkhad Abdi), is tasked with the unenviable position of securing the ship in exchange for a large ransom.

And this is where the heart of this movie lies.  What does it mean to do a job?  Well, I guess it just depends on what part of the world you live in.  The reason this movie works so well is that you feel for both sides of the story.  You feel for Phillips and his crew who are just trying to get their cargo safely from point A to point B, and yet you also feel for these pirates.  They are pawns of the Somali warlords tasked to do horrible things.  They are in way over their head and soon realize it.  As they flee with Phillips as their hostage on a small rescue boat, you increasingly see their tough guy exterior fall apart.  During the final third of the movie, you feel suffocated as the pirates flee from the mighty US Navy with Phillips as their captive.  These actors could have been faceless, straight out of central casting, villains.  Greengrass does not let this happen.  He lets you in to their homes to see what they are fighting for and why they do what they do.  These actors' performances are, in my opinion, the best part of this movie.

This movie also feels so real because of Greengrass' use of handheld cameras.  You feel like you are in the action.  If there's a place that Greengrass can place a camera to bring you closer to these characters, he will put it there.  Each of his films is shot documentary-style and this movie is no exception.  When the pirates meticulously search the ship for the missing crew members, you feel like you are hiding in the dark with the crew.  When the pirates are trapped in the lifeboat trying to flee from the US Navy, you really get a feel for just how much the world is really closing in around them.  And in this chaos, you truly see both sides' humanity.  Phillips and the pirates talk of shared beliefs and you see that they're both doing what they do for the same reason: "Everyone has bosses."

The final 15 minutes of this film are perfectly paced by editor, Christopher Rouse.  He ramps up the action and sequencing as the Navy tries to take down the pirates and rescue Phillips.  I found myself holding my breath for large chunks of time.

If I had to fault this movie for anything and I'm seriously picking nits here, it would be for the lack of depth in the backstory of Captain Phillips himself.  Sure you see them waxing the mundaneness of every day life with his wife while she drives him to the airport, but it's not enough for me.  Once she leaves him, you never see her again, and you never meet his children.  There's a brief email exchange between the two, but that's it.  For all the talk about how Phillips wants to get back to his family, I just wish I had more than a scene or two to relate to.

I'm giving this movie 3.5 stars out of 4.  I highly recommend it.

Operation Get Buff Week 1

My first video post.

Here is my first video post, where I have my initial weigh-in and give an update on my training.  I hope you like it.  Click on the link below.

Operation Get Buff Week 1

Date Night - WWE style!

Date Night - WWE Style!

For our first night out since baby Axel was born, Anne and I decided to go to the most romantic place on earth... The Consol Energy Center in downtown Pittsburgh for a live taping of WWE Monday Night Raw!

Actually, Anne's friend, Jenna, hooked us up with these sweet tickets (third row!).  Axel's had a serious case of acid reflux, which has kept him (and us) up all night every night for the past week.  Two nights ago, we had a nice 5 AM car ride around Mt. Lebanon because he wouldn't stop crying.  Needless to say, we've been a little bit on edge recently, but sleep deprived or not, we were getting out of the house and enjoying a night on the town!

Truth be told, I was a huge wrestling fan growing up.  I started watching in the third grade and stayed with it all the way through college.  I think the day I found out wrestling was fake was worse than the day I found out about Santa.  I specifically remember telling myself the entire day that there was NO WAY that wrestling was fake.  I think I ended up locking myself in my bedroom with my wrestling magazines all night and sobbing hysterically like the "Leave Britney Alone!" guy until I calmed down and accepted it for what it was: true entertainment.  I loved the costumes and characters.  I loved the silly dialogue and story lines.  I loved it all.  My fandom reached its peak in high school with the advent of the Monday Night Wars, and all the excitement of having two top-notch wrestling shows competing against each other.  My friends and I would spend the following Tuesday recapping and debating what was going on in the world of pro wrestling.  We would repeat the catchphrases in post football game interviews.  I even shaved NWO (short for New World Order, a popular wrestling faction at the time) into a mohawk once.  It was a great time to be a fan.  But, as time went on, and the WWE (formerly WWF) became the only show in town, my interest began to fade.  They went away from the racier aspects of the "Attitude Era" and refocused the brand to be more family friendly.  I miss the days of this.  In my opinion, the characters of today just don't hold up to the likes of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Still, I have to admit I was super excited to see my first live show in over 10 years.  I think Anne was just excited to be able to go out in Pittsburgh and drink a beer or two. (editor's note:  My wife found out she was pregnant right after moving to Pittsburgh and hasn't been able to have a drink while out the entire time we've been here.)  Well, it turns out that her tolerance isn't very high after 9+ months of not drinking and it turned out to be just one.  But boy was that Shocktop worth it!  We both felt our stress levels come down.

We got to our seats just as the show was about to open.  For weeks I've been telling Anne that we HAVE to get there right as the show opens because the fireworks are crazy and that she can't miss them.  So, 8PM hits and there are no fireworks!?!  What the shit is this?  Instead, we are treated to Mrs. Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, and the Big Show recapping Sunday night's (Shocking!?!) finale to the pay-per-view.  I won't bore you with all the details of the night, but it turns out the the Big Show did something that Stephanie McMahon didn't like and she fired him.  I know this because they repeated it at least 50,000 (a rough estimate) times over the course of the next 2+ hours.  This was the only thing happening in the WWE Universe.  Of course, he wasn't really fired and came out during the main event and knocked everyone out.

The biggest thing I took away from this show was that the WWE has a serious lack of compelling storylines.  They have 8 different champions, but the only storyline to be presented at the show was this whole Big Show interfering in the main event of Sunday's pay-per-view between the bearded midget and Randy Orton.  All of the other matches just seemed to happen without factoring into any particular storyline.

Here are some of my other observations from last night's event.

1)  Wrestling fans trail probably only ComicCon fans as the least healthy people on the planet.  There were multiple B&S'ers (Big & Short) walking around the arena.  I'm talking over 300 lbs and around 5 feet tall.

2)  The guy next to us was a HUGE wrestling fan.  He was up and cheering with every match.  He REALLY wanted to discuss the action, but Anne sat next to him.  Every time I would cheer at something he would look over and be ready to chat it up.  Upon realizing that Anne was sitting next to him, and didn't really know what was going on, he would instantly frown like someone shot his puppy and go back to his business.

3)  There's a tag team called Los Matadores and they are basically rejects from The Three Amigos.  Also, they have a little person dressed as a bull that follows them and runs through their capes as the crowd chants "Ole!"  WWE's not exactly breaking down the walls of racial stereotypes on TV with these characters.

4)  I still geek out when WWE legends from my childhood show up.  The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, showed up (Although he looks more grizzled wilderness man than heartbreaker these days) unannounced and was revealed as the guest referee for the main event of the next pay-per-vew.   When his theme music started playing, I think I screamed like a 14-year old girl at a One Direction concert.  My wife pretended she didn't know me when this was going on.  I have weaknesses.  I won't deny it.

5)  One fan in the crowd REALLY wanted to get a "Let's Go Bucs" chant going.  He was not successful.  Maybe it was the sting of the Pirates losing a game earlier in the day, but the Pittsburgh crowd didn't seem up for it.

6)  Speaking of the Pittsburgh crowd, they didn't really seem into the show as a whole.  Maybe it speaks to WWE's larger problem of not having a stable of marketable stars (Their biggest star, John Cena, is out with an injury), but I felt the crowd was really dead all night.  The only time they really showed any emotion was when the bearded midget, Daniel Bryan, came out.  The only other time the crowd came to life just so happened to be...

7)  My wife's favorite character.   He is a ballroom dancer named Fandango (No, not that Fandango).  He is a silly throwback to the more flamboyant characters of the late 80's and the early 90's.  The fans loved him, too.  The crowd has a dance that they do called Fandangoing and, apparently, it's a thing.

Since we have a 3 week-old, we couldn't stay for the entire event, but all-in-all, it was a successful night out.  We had a blast being out on the town for at least a couple hours.  I had fun revisiting my old stomping grounds.  Even Axel had a great time with his Granni, who graciously volunteered to babysit him for the evening.  He had his best night's sleep in a long time.  We woke up today refreshed and ready to go.

I really appreciate my lovely wife, Anne, for coming to wrestling with me.  I think it's her turn to pick the date night event the next time we go out.

Gravity Movie Review.

By Brian Wezowicz

Why do we go to the movies?  It certainly isn't for the noisy crowds and expensive concessions.  We go to have an "experience," one that can't be duplicated anywhere else.  Now, the "experience" isn't always the greatest.  Moviegoers can be obnoxious, the theater could be too cold/hot, or the movie could simply suck.  But the experience of seeing something truly magical can all but make up for the extraneous factors that may end up ruining a movie.  For as long as I can remember, I have loved going to the movies.  My earliest memory is seeing Jabba's palace in Return of the Jedi.  From that moment, I was hooked.

I love everything about going to the movies.  I love the escape into an alternate reality for 2-3 hours.  I love the characters, the sets, the laughs, the cheers, the scares... everything.  The movies have always been my happy place.  I love the "experience."  Why am I spending all this time talking about the "experience" of going to the movies when I should be reviewing the movie I just saw?  The answer is simple:  Seeing to Gravity was the best movie "experience" I've had in 20 years.  The last time I was this in awe of a movie was probably the first time I saw Jurassic Park.  It's so full of wonder and originality that my words can't possibly do it justice.

Gravity, directed by Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban), is a near flawless thrill ride that has to be seen to be believed.  From the opening 12-minute tracking shot to the intense final minutes, this movie delivers on all levels.  It tells the story of a team of NASA astronauts sent up to do repairs on the Hubble Telescope.  The team is led by Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock in a brilliant performance for the ages), a medical engineer on her maiden voyage into space, and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney in full space cowboy mode) as her NASA partner.  Shortly after they begin repairs, Houston sends message that a Russian satellite has exploded and is hurtling toward them at record speed.  I won't ruin what happens next, but I will say that both Stone and Kowalski are left to fend for themselves in the vast emptiness of space.  The race for their lives is as exciting and terrifying as anything done in Hollywood in a long, long time.

The title card at the beginning of the movie reads "Life in space is impossible."  Yet Cuaron along with cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki and visual-effects wizard Tim Webber manage to create life in a world of emptiness while doing it in stunning 3D.  You feel for these characters.  You cry with them.  You laugh with them.  And ultimately, you scream with them.  When the end credits roll, you will unclench your white-knuckled claws from your seat, and exhale for the first time in 90 minutes, feeling like you were there with them the whole time.  I know what you're saying, "I can't stand 3D.  It's just a cheap attempt by studio hacks to squeeze a few extra bucks out of my pocket."  Believe me, I feel your pain.  I hate 3D as much as the next person.  But when a true visionary of cinema comes along like Cuaron (See also: James Cameron, Ang Lee, and Marty Scorcese), the results are truly worth it.  See this movie in 3D, and see it on the biggest screen possible.

I give this movie 4/4 stars.  I wanted to see it again immediately after it was over.