Anchorman: The Legend Continues movie review

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

When this movie was announced, I remember everyone being REALLY excited about it.  I, however, had some mild trepidations about the project.  For starters, comedy sequels are rarely good.  They usually try to take what worked in the first one and repackage it as something bigger and funnier.  I was blasted as being a "Negative Nancy" for stating that there haven't really been any truly great comedy sequels, and that I wasn't really excited for the return of San Diego's greatest newsman, Ron Burgundy.  In just the past few years, we have seen the reputation of great comedy films (The Hangover) almost destroyed by their cash grabbing, putrid sequels (Part II & Part III).  Throughout the history of comedy, we have seen this pattern over and over again (Ghostbusters 2, Caddyshack 2, Teen Wolf Too, & Blues Brothers 2000 to name a few).  Why can't we seem to get a half decent comedy sequel?  In my opinion, it's because truly great comedy seems to be the result of a series of events that need to come together perfectly.  The script needs to be great.  The right actors need to be cast.  The director has to have a true passion for the source material.  Duplicating these feats is an almost impossible task... And yet here we are again with one of the worst, least amusing comedy sequels of all time; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.

Despite the above paragraph, the endless stream of trailers and promotional bits by star, Will Ferrell & Co. had me gradually come around to the notion of a second Anchorman movie.  Those feelings were quickly doused minutes into this turd fest of a movie.  Anchorman 2 picks up a few years after the events of the first movie with Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone living in New York City and anchoring the weekend newscast.  When word comes that the network will be searching for a replacement for the soon to be retiring lead newsman (Harrison Ford in full cashing a paycheck mode), our power couple assumes the job will go to them.  When it's revealed that only Veronica will be inheriting the chair, Ron Burgundy loses it and returns to San Diego, where his life and career spirals out of control.  But, in the news world, there is always a second chance.  Burgundy is approached to be a part of the first ever 24-hour news network, GNN.  He quickly reunites the news team (seen through a couple of funny vignettes) and heads back to NYC.  From here, the movie quickly unravels and never seems to find its footing.  I won't bore you with the details since even writing a recap of this movie hurts my brain, but the basic premise is that the news team is stuck with the graveyard shift and needs to change up its format to compete for ratings.  They basically give birth to the modern format of cable news we all know and love (or don't) today.  There's shouting, and stories about America (Ahhhhmerica!).  They load up the screen with graphics and scare you about the weather.  They report on the news we want to hear, not the news we need to hear.  This montage is really the highlight of an otherwise terrible movie.  I wish they had stuck to this narrative instead of going off on a million different tangents that make no sense and provide little humor.

The major problem with this movie is that it seemed like there wasn't anyone there to tell them what worked and didn't work.  The movie runs a LONG two hours and the script seems like it was written as a series of "wouldn't be funny if..." moments.  Instead of focusing on an overall story arc, this movie plays like a series of SNL skits featuring Ron Burgundy.  Wouldn't it be funny if Ron went blind?  Sure.  Wouldn't it be funny if the news team crashed a Winnebago because Ron didn't know what cruise control meant? Let's put it in the movie and find out.  Wouldn't it be funny if Ron went blind, moved into a lighthouse, raised a beached shark with a milk bottle, and won his family back?  Don't ask.  This pattern went on, and on, and on, and on.  Another problem with this movie is that there was wayyyy too much of Steve Carrell's lovable oaf, Brick Tambland.  In the first movie, he came in to provide a few funny one liners, but he is over featured in this one.  I grew tired of him about five minutes into this movie.  If Ron is the lead character, then brick is his second in command.  The other members of the news team unfortunately get pushed to the side so that Brick can get a love story with his female equivalent (played painfully unfunny by Kristen Wiig).  I won't spoil the ending if anyone of you is unlucky enough to go see this pile of shit, but we get a repeat of the fight to the death with competing news team.  There's a ton of cameos and they all seem forced.

I found myself listening to the laughter of the audience to see if I was the only one who wasn't in on the joke.  The laughter felt like that uncomfortable laughter when someone is telling you a terrible joke and you only laugh because they are standing there in front of you.  There wasn't a moment in the entire movie where the laughter drowned out the sound from the movie.  The legend continued in the movie, but it probably should have stayed in San Diego.

I am giving this movie 1 star out of 4.  There were a few chuckles spattered throughout the film, but nothing classic.  If you MUST see this film, I suggest renting it when it comes out.  If it weren't for the Hangover sequels, this would top my list of the most disappointing sequels in recent memory.

I still have a few more movies to see before the end of the year.  Stay tuned for my list of the best & worst (I think we will see a certain film on that one) of 2013.

Pittsburgh Thanksgiving Turkey Trot 5k Recap

 Hello everyone,

I hope you all had a great holiday. It was an extra special Christmas here at Too Fat headquarters. It was the first Christmas with our baby boy, and we got to spend it with friends and family.  Stay tuned for a Christmas video that I will hopefully have ready for you in the upcoming days.

Sorry this video has taken me so long to finish.  Life gets a little busy and a whole month can pass before you realize it.  Here is a video I made of my first 5k that I ran on Thanksgiving morning.  I was able to complete the whole race without stopping once.  Although, watching the footage back, I noticed that while I run, I tend to breathe like a 400lb nerd trying to walk up the stairs at ComicCon.

Special thanks to my sister, Stephanie Wezowicz, for helping me film it... and for being so gracious to me as she kicked my butt in the race.

I hope you all enjoy it!





Speaking of running... Check out my friend's blog.  If you love running and/or video games, it is a must read blog.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Movie Review

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

Before I begin my review, I want to get something off of my chest.  I enjoy crappy movies when I probably shouldn't.  I am a staunch defender of the Star Wars prequels (even though I know that, artistically, they kind of suck).  Not so coincidentally, I enjoyed the first movie in the Hobbit (last year's The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey) series.  I can't help it.  I like being in the world of Middle Earth.  If you tell me I can escape to it for almost 3 hours, then sign me up immediately.  I found it to be an enjoyable movie, even though it couldn't hold a candle to the Lord Of The Rings series.  It was still a fun, albeit somewhat bloated and boring trip to Middle Earth.  That being said, I realize that to many it was minor disappointment.  It took wayyy too long to get going.  Do we really need to see the dwarves singing and cleaning dishes?  Does a 200 page book really need to be split into over 8 hours and 3 movies?  I'm still not convinced. However, after the first hour of Journey, when our troupe of dwarves, a wizard, and a Hobbit get going, the movie really picks up.  The trip through the goblin infested mountain was a genuine thrill ride.  The game of riddles between Bilbo (the title Hobbit) and Gollum (played brilliantly by the master of motion capture, Andy Serkis) had me at the edge of my seat.  And the final climactic scene (SPOILER ALERT!), where our heroes narrowly escape their pursuers, really got me excited for the next movie in the series.  My excitement pays off in a major way in this much improved sequel.

This is where we pick up when The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug picks up.  Our heroes are on the run, having gained a brief reprieve from their would be assassins.  They are still in search of the dwarf kingdom of Erabor and its current landlord, the merciless dragon Smaug (voiced by the king of deep voices, Benedict Cumberbatch).  Before they get there, Bilbo, Gandalf, and about 75* dwarves must seek refuge with a skin changer, and make their way through haunted elven woods.  In these woods, they encounter a pack of the meanest spiders in Middle Earth, who believe that they have found a tasty dinner.  The heroes manage to escape only to be captured and jailed by the prickly elf king Thranduil and his son (look kids, it's Legolas!).  Director Peter Jackson takes some major creative licenses with the original source material.  He creates an entirely new female elf, named Tauriel (played by Lost's Evangeline Lilly), which will surely piss some Tolkien nerds off.  I have to say, though, that she completely works.  She brings a much needed female presence to a story almost entirely devoid of it.  She also kicks major Orc butt alongside her love interest, Legolas.  And, let's be honest, if you are stretching the limits of what you can squeeze out of a small book (as this trilogy certainly is), then you need to add new elements to keep the story moving.  The escape from the elf kingdom is both funny and thrilling.  Had they gone straight to the climax inside the mountain, then this movie would have been even better.  But, alas, they didn't.

The only complaint I have about this movie is that it stalls a little bit once our characters get to the human enclave, called Lake Town.  They really dragged these scenes out longer than they had to be.  I understand that you need a bit of a break between action sequences, but parts of Lake Town could have been cut to keep the pacing up a bit.  The costumes and set design of Lake Town feel out of place in the world of Middle Earth.  These characters looked like they escaped from a Pirates Of The Caribbean movie.  I kept waiting for Captain Jack Sparrow to show up.  My complaints are only minor and, on the whole, this movie is better than the first.  The movie truly excels during the epic final scenes inside the dwarf stronghold.  Smaug is a sight to be seen.  Peter Jackson really knows how to create epic CGI characters.  He did it with King Kong and he scores again with the monstrous dragon.  The confrontation between Bilbo (who is trying to steal an ancient dwarf gem) and Smaug really heighten the anxiety level in this movie.  It's a delightful game of cat and mouse (er, dragon and Hobbit?) that allows the dwarves to get in place to make a run at reclaiming their homeland.  I won't spoil anything here, but there is a third movie on the way and not everything is resolved (shocker!).  BUT, the final battle is highly enjoyable and the ending already has me pre-ordering tickets to next year's Hobbit conclusion.

I am giving this movie 3 out of 4 stars.  It is a major improvement over the first film.  I saw it in 3D, which was enjoyable, since the film was actually shot and conceived in 3D.  If you can't see it in 3D, it's not the end of the world either.  I think you can have an equally enjoyable movie experience seeing it in standard 2D.  I did not see it in the 48 frames per second frame rate.  If you want to read about that, check out my buddy Chris' recap.

*All numbers estimated.

Video Intro Animation

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I know I did... probably a little too wonderful.  I gained a few pounds, but nothing that can't be quickly lost.  I just wanted to share a video animation with you all.  Special thanks to Todd Sodano for helping me write this, and to my wife for taking all the pictures.  This will accompany all future video updates.  I hope you like it.

Play video

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Movie Review

 The Hunger Games: Catching Fire - Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

Quality sequels are hard to pull off.  Making a sequel that is better than the first is even harder.  There's only a few of them that come to mind (T2: Judgment Day, The Dark Knight, Empire Strikes Back, Speed 2: Cruise Control... kidding).  The general idea is to set up the world and characters in the first film, while creating a rich story without relying on a ton of special effects.  Truly great "first" movies do just that.  The original The Hunger Games movie worked because they did everything right.  They didn't stray too far from the source material.  They had great characters played by quality actors.  They didn't overkill it with special effects.  Everything came together and the results were astronomical: over $400 million earned at the US box office.  The problem with a lot of franchises is that studios take away everything that worked in the first movie and just blow up a ton of stuff with overbearing special effects (See Iron Man 2).  It has to be bigger than the first one in every way possible.  My question is why do studios almost always forget about the script when it comes to sequels?  I guess that once they establish a fan base, they figure people will show up no matter what.

This was my fear going into The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.  Initial reports were that because of the success of the first film, they were rushing this movie into the theater as well as splitting the final movie into two parts (thanks Twilight!).  Gary Ross, the director of the first film, dropped out in preproduction citing his need for more time developing the script.  I just hoped that they wouldn't forget what made the first film great for the sake of a quick buck.  Also, another thing this movie had going against it was that it's a middle film.  Middle films usually only serve a purpose of setting up the third and final one.  They just have to get you from point A to point C.  They just have to set up the chess pieces to make the final assault on the board, and because of that, middle films can struggle.  But, occasionally, they can truly shine.  For this film, the producers brought in Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend) to direct, and I have to tell you he did a hell of a job bringing Susanne Collins' vision to life.  Everything about this movie was bigger and better (in a good way) than the first film.  The script was phenomenal, the acting was sublime, and the special effects were excellent while not being overpowering.  This is a must-watch sequel, joining the ranks of Empire and The Dark Knight as truly exceptional "second" films.  It held my attention from the beginning all the way to the ferocious final moments.  It can stand on its own two feet and be proud of what it accomplished.

The last time we saw our star-crossed lovers (if by star-crossed, I mean two teenagers, who because of a sinister government hell bent on reminding its citizens to never rise up against it again, must compete in a fight to the death aired on national television until there can only be one winner, then yes I do) Katniss (Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta (the kid from Bridge to Terabithia), they were getting the upper hand on the Capitol of Panem and its sinister President Snow (Donald Sutherland in the role he was born to play) by finding a loophole in the 74th Annual Hunger Games.  They found a way share the victory.  Needless to say, this act of defiance royally pisses El Presidente off to the point of him killing his head game maker (thanks to a poison berry smoothie) and making our winners lives a living hell.  Catching Fire begins with Snow threatening Katniss to sell her hopeless romance with Peeta to the public because the districts of Panem are starting to believe they can rise up again.  They have become a symbol of hope.  President Snow sends them on a national misery tour of the districts with a message of unity.  You really get a sense of the pain that these characters must go through and that "winning" the Hunger Games doesn't really mean so much.  They have to look into the eyes of the families of the deceased tributes (the name for the other competitiors in the games) and talk about how great the Capitol is.  Yikes!  Talk about something I couldn't do.  As the tour goes on, coupled with the fact that they have to pretend to be in love, Katniss and Peeta become more and more miserable.  They know their every move is being watched and any slip up will cause the President to send in Peacekeepers (Stormtrooper like figures) to beat their districts into submission.

Another wrinkle in the story is that President Snow knows he can't simply kill Katniss because she has become a symbol of strength and power over the Capitol.  He must devise a way to kill her without getting his hands totally dirty.  Well, luckily, it's the 75th Hunger Games and they can do anything they want.  Snow and new game maker Plutarch Heavensbee (Philip Seymour Hoffman in a role that's a tad beneath him, but whatever) devise an all-star contest composed of former Hunger Games' winners.  The Games' arena, which is divided up into twelve quadrants, each with a different method of death or torture, is truly sinister.  Once the Games begin, Katniss quickly notices that something is different.  She seems to have allies, but she's not sure why or how.

I won't ruin the ending for you, but I will say that the final third of this movie is truly exceptional.  You feel like you are there competing in the games with these combatants.  There is the right blend of special effects and real world scenery to give it a true-life feel.  It perfectly sets up the final movies (I'm considering them as one movie split in half) while having enough in it to feel like its own story.

I'm giving this movie 3.5/4 stars.  I'm docking it a little for the lame three way love story between Katniss, Gale (her District 12 love) and Peeta.  I hated it in the books and I hate it in the movies.  I'm also docking this movie a little bit because Jennifer Lawrence seems like she's going through the motions in the first few scenes.  I guess winning an Oscar and being forced to return to a studio franchise will do that to you.  However, she does kick it into gear shortly after these first few scenes and kicks ass for the remaining two hours of the movie.  I also didn't really like the actor who played the mysterious Finnick Odair, Katniss and Peeta's closest ally in the Games.  He just seemed to be overdoing his lines just a little bit too much.

Definitely see this movie in the theater, although hopefully not in a theater full of chatty teenaged girls.  Really, girl behind me... You have to analyze every scene with your group of friends?  It's sooo important to your movie going experience?  And be sure to laugh at every serious scene.  That makes you seem so cool and better than the rest of us!

10 down! 40 to go.

Greetings from snowy Too Fat headquarters.  I woke up this morning to a few inches of snow on the ground and a good weigh-in.  My current weight is 241.7 pounds, which means I am down a full 10 pounds!  I am 1/5th of the way to my goal weight loss of 50 pounds.

So far, I think the biggest reason for my weight loss has been the reduction in size of my portions during meals.  I appreciate all the diet tips, but I have found them almost impossible to follow.  Don't get me wrong... I love eating meat (that's what she said!), but the Paleo and Bullet Proof diets have been a challenge for me.  I've followed a variation of both of them, but haven't been successful in following them 100 percent accurately.  I would say that, of the two, I have more closely followed the Paleo diet.  I've been eating loads of proteins, fruits and vegetables.  I start my days off with an egg white and spinach wrap.  I try to do a salad or some lean protein for lunch.  For dinner, we've been making chili and other assorted goodies.  I've also drastically cut down the amount of sugar and sodium in my diet.  But, to be fair, it is Halloween candy season so I haven't been perfect.

Sorry for the lack of video this week.  I am working on something, but it is taking up my time and I hope to have it ready for next week's weigh-in.

One final note.  I have signed up for the Pittsburgh Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving morning.  My sister will be running with me and I will be bringing the cameras to do a video for you all.

That's it for now.  I'm 10 pounds closer to fitting into some sweet, hipster approved, skinny jeans.  So long from Too Fat 4 Skinny Jeans headquarters.  You stay classy, planet earth.

Thor: The Dark World Movie Review

Thor: The Dark World Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

There is no doubt that Marvel has become THE major player in the movie industry recently.  Their Phase 1 movie rollout, starting with 2008's Iron Man culminated with the smash hit, The Avengers in 2012.  In this rollout, we were introduced to a series of intertwined characters and films whose success (both on screen and off) were unparalleled (just ask DC Comics, who are desperate to launch their own Avengers-like superhero saga, The Justice League.  So far, they haven't been as lucky, both critically and financially).  It was a highly successful, meticulously planned movie series that had fanboys and non-fanboys linked arm in arm reveling in the joy of the cinematic superhero.

The beauty of these films and characters is that they all seemed to be grounded in real life scenarios (well, as real life as a superhero can be).  Watching these movies, you get the sense that these things COULD happen.  For example... Could a billionaire playboy philanthropist, sick of seeing his company and his weapons used for evil, create a suit made of iron and wreak havoc against said evildoers?  Absolutely!  Could a genius scientist expose himself to gamma radiation in the hopes of bettering himself only to see the experiment go south creating a giant green rage monster?  Sure.  Could a scrawny, sickly World War II soldier be given an experimental serum, which in turn creates America's first and last super soldier?  Yeah, why not?  Could an Asgardian god come to earth after being expelled by his king father in an attempt to teach him a lesson about humility and grace?  Ummm, sure?  That was the challenge with 2011's Thor.

Of all the movies from Marvel's Phase 1 (Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, and Captain America), only Thor seemed totally implausible.  But the makers of that film managed to make it plausible.  They brought in Kenneth Branagh and all of his Royal Shakespearean Company training to direct the first movie, and it was the most pleasant surprise out of the original run-up from Marvel.  He turned a supernatural film and gave it some humanity.  He turned it into a Shakespearean tale of brother vs. brother and sons against father.  We were also introduced into the star of the Marvel movies: Tom Hiddleston's brilliant Loki.  He would go on to play the villain in The Avengers, and he's back this time around in Thor: The Dark World.

Marvel's Phase 2 began with the highly successful albeit slightly underwhelming Iron Man 3 and continues with this film.  I have to admit that after six Phase 1 films and one Phase 2 films, I was beginning to feel slightly Marveled out (Blasphemy!  I said SLIGHTLY.  Settle down nerds, I'm still one of you).  It's not that the films were bad, it's just that it seems like every other movie, and now, every other television series was from the minds of Marvel (News just broke that Netflix just reached a deal with Marvel to develop more original television series this week).  I found the first third of this most recent Marvel movie to be slightly boring.   We last left off in the Thor-niverse with Thor helping the mighty Avengers defeat his brother Loki and bring peace to earth.  However, a darkness is rising in the universe.  A once defeated race called the Dark Elves (kind of a lame name for a group of baddies, but whatever.  Despite their name, they're pretty cool villains.) is rising in search of a mysterious substance known as the Ether, which will bring darkness to the nine realms of the universe.  Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), heart broken that Thor (Chris Hemsworth) never called her back after New Mexico, somehow finds an anomaly in London.  This leads her to discover a realm that contains the secret hiding spot of the Ether.  She instantly becomes infected, which leads to Thor coming to the rescue.  He whisks her away to his home planet of Asgard in an attempt to hide the Ether from the Dark Elves.  Of course, they find out where she is hiding and wreak havoc upon anyone that gets in their way.  It's up to Thor to enlist his imprisoned brother to help him find a way off their home planet and save the day.  This is where the film really (and I mean REALLY) picks up.  Thor and Loki have undeniable chemistry.  They also bring some highly enjoyable humor to this movie.  You really get the sense that these two characters are brothers who bicker like brothers would.  The final act of this movie is a non-stop thrill ride and the final battle feels real and exciting.  There's chaos and destruction, but it doesn't feel forced like a certain film starring a certain flying superhero (cough, cough, Man of Steel).  This film has the perfect amount of excitement and humor that will keep you captivated once you get through the somewhat boring first act.  It more than removed any of my Marvel fatigue.  I guess I am ready for another 10-15 films.

I am giving this movie 3 out of 4 stars.

I recommend seeing it in the theater, but don't waste your money on the 3D version of this film.  It's very dark and unnecessary.  Please stay through the credits.  There is an important scene that sets up the next film in the series during the credits and a pretty funny scene after them.

Operation Get Buff Week 4

Here is a week 4 video update.  I discuss my weight loss (or lack thereof) and show you some of the exciting new exercises I have been doing.

Operation Get Buff Week 4

Machete Kills & Escape Plan Movie Reviews

Machete Kills Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

This past weekend I was privy to two action movies, the first of which was Machete Kills, by Robert Rodriguez.  This was a total shit sandwich of a movie that doesn't really deserve more than a few words, but since I spent the time and money to see this abomination, I will do my best.

If the first Machete set the standard for a real movie based on a fake trailer, then Machete Kills sets the standard for driving a once funny idea into the ground.  The first one was a continuation of Rodriguez' and Quentin Tarantino's highly enjoyable Grindhouse double feature.  This one is the direct opposite of enjoyable... and this is coming from a guy who really enjoys his stupidly violent movies.  Machete Cortez (played by the ugliest man in the world, Danny Trejo), does one thing in this movie: kill.  Very rarely do you find a movie where the entire plot can be summed up in its title.  Machete kills in every way possible.  Machete kills with his hands.  Machete kills with a knife.  Machete kills with a gun.  Machete kills with a helicopter.  And, yes, Machete kills with a machete.  That's about it as far as plot goes.  There is no deeper meaning.  At least the first movie tried to tie in a statement (as weak as it was) about illegal immigration into its 90 minutes of knives and violence.

I guess if I really have to describe what goes on in this movie, I will do my best.  Machete Kills opens with yet another fake trailer for the next in this please god, don't make another one, movie series, Machete Kills, Again... In Space.  It's all down hill from there.  Machete is called back into service by the President of the United States played by Charlie Sheen (going under his birth name of Carlos Estevez).  Don't worry Martin, your role as the best Sheen president has nothing to worry about.  The Prez needs Machete's help in hunting down a mad man, hell bent on blowing up the US.  Machete has to air drop into Mexico to stop this villain, who in true James Bond style, lives in a converted Aztec temple, and return him to the US before a bomb blows up Washington.  Along the way, Machete runs into a slew of comical bad guys.  By this point, I was nodding off and checking my phone every 5 minutes.  Let's see, Sophia Vergara plays a Mexican madame that shoots bullets out of her boobs.  Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas all play the same bounty hunter (it's not really a spoiler alert, just a terribly pointless running gag).  Oh, and Mel Gibson in full Mel Gibson crazy mode, plays Voz, a billionaire industrialist who wants to spread war and mayhem across the globe.

I found myself wanting to leave a movie early for the first time in my entire life.  I give this movie 1/2 star out of 4.  The 1/2 star was for the first time Machete used a helicopter blade to kill someone.  I chuckled.  As soon as this movie was done, I was instantly reminded of this scene from Billy Madison.  Needless to say, I will not be lining up for the sequel.

Escape Plan Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

After one of the worst movie experience I have ever had, I went in to Escape Plan, starring Sylvester Stallone and my childhood hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger, with extremely low expectations.  I have to say that this movie was a lot better than I expected.  Maybe my eyes were still covered in the stink of Machete Kills, but this movie was a lot of fun.  And, even though it was about 20 years and 2 Governator terms too late, but I found myself cheering for this much ballyhooed matchup of 80's action stars.  That's not to say it's without its flaws, but overall I was entertained.

Sylvester Stallone plays Ray Breslin, the world's leading expert in prison structural security.  He has literally written the book on prison escape.  He goes from prison to prison finding the weaknesses and vulnerabilities that he ultimately uses to escape.  We meet him during his most recent escape.  He runs the warden through his prison's faults and the plan he used to escape with his team of escape experts.  (One of the most unbelievable parts of this movie is 50-Cent playing a computer expert, because when I think of computer expert, I think of 50-Cent.)  Upon returning, he is presented with an offer he can't refuse by the CIA.  They want him to test out their inescapable new fortress, nicknamed "The Tomb."  He instantly agrees, but soon realizes things are not as they seem.  He is cut off from his team and can only rely on a brilliant mysterious inmate, Emil Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger) to get out.  Together they must brave the hellacious Tomb and its equally terrible Warden (played with surprising gusto by Jim "Jesus" Caveziel).

If you don't count the two Expendables movies, this is the first full-fledged matchup of Stallone and Schwarzenegger.  They both seemed to be having fun chewing up the scenery together and delivering some pretty fun one-liners.  With the exception of the warden, the top prison guard (played by classic asshole bad guy actor, Vinnie Jones), and a few other guys, the other characters are pretty faceless.  This is definitely a Stallone/Schwarzenegger movie and they don't really waste much time developing the other characters.  The escape plan is pretty formulaic, but it doesn't really matter because the chemistry between the top two guys on the ticket is so strong.  I also would have liked to have seen a little more development with Breslin's back story.

I give this movie 2.5 stars out of 4.  It had enough to hold my attention, and I'm always all-in on a Rambo/Terminator combo (I guess that's why I own both Expendables movies and watch them on a regular basis).  This movie is not going to win any awards (unless it's the geriatric HGH usage awards), but you will have a good time if you're looking for a mindless action romp.

Week 2 Video Update.

Here's a quick video update on my weight loss so far.

Operation Get Buff Week 2

Captain Phillips Movie Review

Captain Phillips Movie Review

by Brian Wezowicz

The mark of a truly gifted filmmaker is to take a story that everyone knows the end of and make it interesting.  Some of the best movies of recent years (Zodiac, Argo and my favorite movie of 2012, Zero Dark Thirty) keep you entertained even though you essentially know the end game.  Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Supremacy & Ultimatum, United 93, and the overlooked Green Zone) does just that and more.  He takes this real world story (from an incredible script by Billy Ray, based on the real life Phillips' book) and creates a world of suspense and humanity.  He breathes life into both sides of the conflict and delivers a story that keeps you on the edge of your seat until the very end.

At the start of the film, Greengrass shows the audience the difference between the two worlds of the hijakers and hijakees (is that a real word?  If not, I just made it up).  On one hand, we have Phillips (Played superbly by Tom Hanks) and his wife worried about their children's lack of discipline in the classroom and the lack of jobs in a down economy.  On the other hand, you have the cruel reality of the Somali pirates' daily lives.  Their only hope for food and money is to hijack the biggest ship possible and ransom it for money.  They are fisherman without any fish to catch because of over-fishing by big business and are pressured into becoming pirates (no relation to the Caribbean kind).  These four men are lured by the promise of a big bucks ransom and will do anything to get their pay day.  Hanks' Phillips is a by the books captain who realizes that not all is safe in these still waters.  The threat of piracy is everywhere, and so he has his men practicing defense tactics.  It is during one of these drills where the reality that they may be attacked comes to life.  He sees a small band of Somali pirates on their tale and suddenly these drills become a real world situation.  He does everything in his limited power (arms on merchant ships are outlawed) to stave off an attack.  Once these assailants, calling themselves the Somali Coast Guard, jump aboard the ship, the action and intensity really kicks in.  The leader of the pirates, Muse (played in a movie stealing, Oscar-worthy performance by first time actor, Barkhad Abdi), is tasked with the unenviable position of securing the ship in exchange for a large ransom.

And this is where the heart of this movie lies.  What does it mean to do a job?  Well, I guess it just depends on what part of the world you live in.  The reason this movie works so well is that you feel for both sides of the story.  You feel for Phillips and his crew who are just trying to get their cargo safely from point A to point B, and yet you also feel for these pirates.  They are pawns of the Somali warlords tasked to do horrible things.  They are in way over their head and soon realize it.  As they flee with Phillips as their hostage on a small rescue boat, you increasingly see their tough guy exterior fall apart.  During the final third of the movie, you feel suffocated as the pirates flee from the mighty US Navy with Phillips as their captive.  These actors could have been faceless, straight out of central casting, villains.  Greengrass does not let this happen.  He lets you in to their homes to see what they are fighting for and why they do what they do.  These actors' performances are, in my opinion, the best part of this movie.

This movie also feels so real because of Greengrass' use of handheld cameras.  You feel like you are in the action.  If there's a place that Greengrass can place a camera to bring you closer to these characters, he will put it there.  Each of his films is shot documentary-style and this movie is no exception.  When the pirates meticulously search the ship for the missing crew members, you feel like you are hiding in the dark with the crew.  When the pirates are trapped in the lifeboat trying to flee from the US Navy, you really get a feel for just how much the world is really closing in around them.  And in this chaos, you truly see both sides' humanity.  Phillips and the pirates talk of shared beliefs and you see that they're both doing what they do for the same reason: "Everyone has bosses."

The final 15 minutes of this film are perfectly paced by editor, Christopher Rouse.  He ramps up the action and sequencing as the Navy tries to take down the pirates and rescue Phillips.  I found myself holding my breath for large chunks of time.

If I had to fault this movie for anything and I'm seriously picking nits here, it would be for the lack of depth in the backstory of Captain Phillips himself.  Sure you see them waxing the mundaneness of every day life with his wife while she drives him to the airport, but it's not enough for me.  Once she leaves him, you never see her again, and you never meet his children.  There's a brief email exchange between the two, but that's it.  For all the talk about how Phillips wants to get back to his family, I just wish I had more than a scene or two to relate to.

I'm giving this movie 3.5 stars out of 4.  I highly recommend it.

Operation Get Buff Week 1

My first video post.

Here is my first video post, where I have my initial weigh-in and give an update on my training.  I hope you like it.  Click on the link below.

Operation Get Buff Week 1

Date Night - WWE style!

Date Night - WWE Style!

For our first night out since baby Axel was born, Anne and I decided to go to the most romantic place on earth... The Consol Energy Center in downtown Pittsburgh for a live taping of WWE Monday Night Raw!

Actually, Anne's friend, Jenna, hooked us up with these sweet tickets (third row!).  Axel's had a serious case of acid reflux, which has kept him (and us) up all night every night for the past week.  Two nights ago, we had a nice 5 AM car ride around Mt. Lebanon because he wouldn't stop crying.  Needless to say, we've been a little bit on edge recently, but sleep deprived or not, we were getting out of the house and enjoying a night on the town!

Truth be told, I was a huge wrestling fan growing up.  I started watching in the third grade and stayed with it all the way through college.  I think the day I found out wrestling was fake was worse than the day I found out about Santa.  I specifically remember telling myself the entire day that there was NO WAY that wrestling was fake.  I think I ended up locking myself in my bedroom with my wrestling magazines all night and sobbing hysterically like the "Leave Britney Alone!" guy until I calmed down and accepted it for what it was: true entertainment.  I loved the costumes and characters.  I loved the silly dialogue and story lines.  I loved it all.  My fandom reached its peak in high school with the advent of the Monday Night Wars, and all the excitement of having two top-notch wrestling shows competing against each other.  My friends and I would spend the following Tuesday recapping and debating what was going on in the world of pro wrestling.  We would repeat the catchphrases in post football game interviews.  I even shaved NWO (short for New World Order, a popular wrestling faction at the time) into a mohawk once.  It was a great time to be a fan.  But, as time went on, and the WWE (formerly WWF) became the only show in town, my interest began to fade.  They went away from the racier aspects of the "Attitude Era" and refocused the brand to be more family friendly.  I miss the days of this.  In my opinion, the characters of today just don't hold up to the likes of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Still, I have to admit I was super excited to see my first live show in over 10 years.  I think Anne was just excited to be able to go out in Pittsburgh and drink a beer or two. (editor's note:  My wife found out she was pregnant right after moving to Pittsburgh and hasn't been able to have a drink while out the entire time we've been here.)  Well, it turns out that her tolerance isn't very high after 9+ months of not drinking and it turned out to be just one.  But boy was that Shocktop worth it!  We both felt our stress levels come down.

We got to our seats just as the show was about to open.  For weeks I've been telling Anne that we HAVE to get there right as the show opens because the fireworks are crazy and that she can't miss them.  So, 8PM hits and there are no fireworks!?!  What the shit is this?  Instead, we are treated to Mrs. Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, and the Big Show recapping Sunday night's (Shocking!?!) finale to the pay-per-view.  I won't bore you with all the details of the night, but it turns out the the Big Show did something that Stephanie McMahon didn't like and she fired him.  I know this because they repeated it at least 50,000 (a rough estimate) times over the course of the next 2+ hours.  This was the only thing happening in the WWE Universe.  Of course, he wasn't really fired and came out during the main event and knocked everyone out.

The biggest thing I took away from this show was that the WWE has a serious lack of compelling storylines.  They have 8 different champions, but the only storyline to be presented at the show was this whole Big Show interfering in the main event of Sunday's pay-per-view between the bearded midget and Randy Orton.  All of the other matches just seemed to happen without factoring into any particular storyline.

Here are some of my other observations from last night's event.

1)  Wrestling fans trail probably only ComicCon fans as the least healthy people on the planet.  There were multiple B&S'ers (Big & Short) walking around the arena.  I'm talking over 300 lbs and around 5 feet tall.

2)  The guy next to us was a HUGE wrestling fan.  He was up and cheering with every match.  He REALLY wanted to discuss the action, but Anne sat next to him.  Every time I would cheer at something he would look over and be ready to chat it up.  Upon realizing that Anne was sitting next to him, and didn't really know what was going on, he would instantly frown like someone shot his puppy and go back to his business.

3)  There's a tag team called Los Matadores and they are basically rejects from The Three Amigos.  Also, they have a little person dressed as a bull that follows them and runs through their capes as the crowd chants "Ole!"  WWE's not exactly breaking down the walls of racial stereotypes on TV with these characters.

4)  I still geek out when WWE legends from my childhood show up.  The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, showed up (Although he looks more grizzled wilderness man than heartbreaker these days) unannounced and was revealed as the guest referee for the main event of the next pay-per-vew.   When his theme music started playing, I think I screamed like a 14-year old girl at a One Direction concert.  My wife pretended she didn't know me when this was going on.  I have weaknesses.  I won't deny it.

5)  One fan in the crowd REALLY wanted to get a "Let's Go Bucs" chant going.  He was not successful.  Maybe it was the sting of the Pirates losing a game earlier in the day, but the Pittsburgh crowd didn't seem up for it.

6)  Speaking of the Pittsburgh crowd, they didn't really seem into the show as a whole.  Maybe it speaks to WWE's larger problem of not having a stable of marketable stars (Their biggest star, John Cena, is out with an injury), but I felt the crowd was really dead all night.  The only time they really showed any emotion was when the bearded midget, Daniel Bryan, came out.  The only other time the crowd came to life just so happened to be...

7)  My wife's favorite character.   He is a ballroom dancer named Fandango (No, not that Fandango).  He is a silly throwback to the more flamboyant characters of the late 80's and the early 90's.  The fans loved him, too.  The crowd has a dance that they do called Fandangoing and, apparently, it's a thing.

Since we have a 3 week-old, we couldn't stay for the entire event, but all-in-all, it was a successful night out.  We had a blast being out on the town for at least a couple hours.  I had fun revisiting my old stomping grounds.  Even Axel had a great time with his Granni, who graciously volunteered to babysit him for the evening.  He had his best night's sleep in a long time.  We woke up today refreshed and ready to go.

I really appreciate my lovely wife, Anne, for coming to wrestling with me.  I think it's her turn to pick the date night event the next time we go out.

Gravity Movie Review.

By Brian Wezowicz

Why do we go to the movies?  It certainly isn't for the noisy crowds and expensive concessions.  We go to have an "experience," one that can't be duplicated anywhere else.  Now, the "experience" isn't always the greatest.  Moviegoers can be obnoxious, the theater could be too cold/hot, or the movie could simply suck.  But the experience of seeing something truly magical can all but make up for the extraneous factors that may end up ruining a movie.  For as long as I can remember, I have loved going to the movies.  My earliest memory is seeing Jabba's palace in Return of the Jedi.  From that moment, I was hooked.

I love everything about going to the movies.  I love the escape into an alternate reality for 2-3 hours.  I love the characters, the sets, the laughs, the cheers, the scares... everything.  The movies have always been my happy place.  I love the "experience."  Why am I spending all this time talking about the "experience" of going to the movies when I should be reviewing the movie I just saw?  The answer is simple:  Seeing to Gravity was the best movie "experience" I've had in 20 years.  The last time I was this in awe of a movie was probably the first time I saw Jurassic Park.  It's so full of wonder and originality that my words can't possibly do it justice.

Gravity, directed by Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban), is a near flawless thrill ride that has to be seen to be believed.  From the opening 12-minute tracking shot to the intense final minutes, this movie delivers on all levels.  It tells the story of a team of NASA astronauts sent up to do repairs on the Hubble Telescope.  The team is led by Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock in a brilliant performance for the ages), a medical engineer on her maiden voyage into space, and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney in full space cowboy mode) as her NASA partner.  Shortly after they begin repairs, Houston sends message that a Russian satellite has exploded and is hurtling toward them at record speed.  I won't ruin what happens next, but I will say that both Stone and Kowalski are left to fend for themselves in the vast emptiness of space.  The race for their lives is as exciting and terrifying as anything done in Hollywood in a long, long time.

The title card at the beginning of the movie reads "Life in space is impossible."  Yet Cuaron along with cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki and visual-effects wizard Tim Webber manage to create life in a world of emptiness while doing it in stunning 3D.  You feel for these characters.  You cry with them.  You laugh with them.  And ultimately, you scream with them.  When the end credits roll, you will unclench your white-knuckled claws from your seat, and exhale for the first time in 90 minutes, feeling like you were there with them the whole time.  I know what you're saying, "I can't stand 3D.  It's just a cheap attempt by studio hacks to squeeze a few extra bucks out of my pocket."  Believe me, I feel your pain.  I hate 3D as much as the next person.  But when a true visionary of cinema comes along like Cuaron (See also: James Cameron, Ang Lee, and Marty Scorcese), the results are truly worth it.  See this movie in 3D, and see it on the biggest screen possible.

I give this movie 4/4 stars.  I wanted to see it again immediately after it was over.